1,000 oceans

I want to write so much.

I came home, browsed the internet, and Mom suddenly asked me, "Is that Heidi on your computer's wallpaper?"

I said yes. And I noticed there was something wrong with Mom. She was shaken.

I asked her what was going on.

And she told me that Heidi had died earlier. Roadkill.

I can't believe this. I didn't burst into tears. I asked her where she was burried and she took me there: our front lawn.

I sat there until Mom took me inside. I didn't cry.

I went into the shower, and I cried. Remembering that it was just this morning... JUST THIS VERY DAMN MORNING that she was outside the bathroom on the mat outside the bathroom...

She was waiting for me. She was there, sitting, waiting. And I went passed her, patted her for a while and then I went to work since I was late.

And that was the last time I saw her. Forever.

I cried more in the shower and I remembered Mom was sitting in the living room alone, still crying. I quickly showered and went straight to Mom. I wanted to hug her, but in the end, it was she who was hugging me.

I am the only one who is really close to Mom. We took Poussy (God rest her soul) to the vet's together on the day she died, we burried Poussy together, and we cried together. Just the two of us.

And I wanted to be there with Mom to comfort her. And I don't want that moment to just go away. We were both crying together again, this time for another precious cat. This time it was for Heidi.

So yes, "I'm aware what the rules are, but you know that I would run, you know that I will follow you..."

And I will follow you, Heidi.

"I can't believe that I would keep, keep you from flying, so I would cry, 1,000 more tears if that's what it takes to sail you home."

I will always think of her, as a cat in Rainbow Bridge, who will quickly join the "in" crowd, possibly ruling as the new Queen Bee. Since she's got this Divaish attitude, you know.

And Jesus would call her name to no avail. Hehe... But then I'd be there, finally, that'd be when she'd stop playing and hear my calling and we'd be together again, along with Poussy, and all the other cats.

Poem For Cats
~Anonymous

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? Asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined.
For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.

Until we meet again, Little Miss Heidi Amelia Tuanakotta.