mardi, février 28, 2006

1,000 oceans


I want to write so much.

I came home, browsed the internet, and Mom suddenly asked me, "Is that Heidi on your computer's wallpaper?"

I said yes. And I noticed there was something wrong with Mom. She was shaken.

I asked her what was going on.

And she told me that Heidi had died earlier. Roadkill.

I can't believe this. I didn't burst into tears. I asked her where she was burried and she took me there: our front lawn.

I sat there until Mom took me inside. I didn't cry.

I went into the shower, and I cried. Remembering that it was just this morning... JUST THIS VERY DAMN MORNING that she was outside the bathroom on the mat outside the bathroom...

She was waiting for me. She was there, sitting, waiting. And I went passed her, patted her for a while and then I went to work since I was late.

And that was the last time I saw her. Forever.

I cried more in the shower and I remembered Mom was sitting in the living room alone, still crying. I quickly showered and went straight to Mom. I wanted to hug her, but in the end, it was she who was hugging me.

I am the only one who is really close to Mom. We took Poussy (God rest her soul) to the vet's together on the day she died, we burried Poussy together, and we cried together. Just the two of us.

And I wanted to be there with Mom to comfort her. And I don't want that moment to just go away. We were both crying together again, this time for another precious cat. This time it was for Heidi.

So yes, "I'm aware what the rules are, but you know that I would run, you know that I will follow you..."

And I will follow you, Heidi.

"I can't believe that I would keep, keep you from flying, so I would cry, 1,000 more tears if that's what it takes to sail you home."

I will always think of her, as a cat in Rainbow Bridge, who will quickly join the "in" crowd, possibly ruling as the new Queen Bee. Since she's got this Divaish attitude, you know.

And Jesus would call her name to no avail. Hehe... But then I'd be there, finally, that'd be when she'd stop playing and hear my calling and we'd be together again, along with Poussy, and all the other cats.

Poem For Cats
~Anonymous
And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.
Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.
But don't they understand? Asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined.
For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.
Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.


Until we meet again, Little Miss Heidi Amelia Tuanakotta.

Heidi Amelia Tuanakotta / 28 February 2006

dimanche, février 26, 2006

sunday contemplation


Just got back from church. The sermon was actually kind of nice, and there was this really hunky hunk sitting next to me (B sat to my right) and boy, this hunk had a tight grip! Ow, Daddy!!!

Anyway, while the priest was preaching, I had a flash of thought (this kind of thing usually occurs either when I'm taking a poop or sitting through church).

My little mind said, "Hey, Jesus always teaches that the ones who are alienated, confined, taken away, tortured, lonely, meek are the ones who inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, right? In other words, Jesus's teaching is about salvation for minority and people who are outcasts.

"Christianity is such a big religion now, a huge one, with more and more people embracing it.

"But it seems that the now larger-than-life Christianity has forgotten about their past and how they bloomed in adversity (by being the religion of outcasts) and now they begin blasting and bashing out minority groups, namely homosexuals."

Now that's not fair, is it?

Excuse me, I'm a Christian, and Christianity does have a bad history: wars against other religions - witch hunts (remember Jeanne d'Arc?) - crusades, etc.

It just seems like when Christianity has gained power, it turns its back against the minority, when it used to be one.

And that's just ironic.


Last Days of Jerusalem

And about bisexuals. Yes, I hate bisexuals. Let's just say that I am a bisexophobe. I don't mind them as friends. I have many bisexual friends and I'm okay with them, but not when they're going in for the kill.

I always look at love as an investment. I wouldn't save my money to a bad bank, would I? Just the same with boyfriends. I wouldn't want to give my love to someone who is incapable of giving it back. And that's what happened to bisexuals.

Sure, the sex is great since they're all manly and commanding. But have you ever stopped to think about the future? Is he capable of loving you until one of you dies? Until your body has turned grotesquely icky that sex is the last thing on either of your minds?

People say that homosexuality is all about sex. I don't agree. Bisexuality is all about sex.

And it is unfortunate for homosexuals to have a (desperate) relationship with a bisexual who will leave him in the end to get married to a woman.

In Indonesia, it is more convenient to be bisexual, even only as a masquerade. You can have homosexual relationship(s) and run away from being stigmatised by getting (proper) marriage to a woman. Problem solved. You can still have fun and a bright future.

That is why I hate bisexuals. And Heaven forbid that I will ever sleep with one.

Which is why I always remind my gay friends not to have sex with bisexuals or worse: married bisexuals.

Let's be reasonable and not give the satisfation that they shouldn't have.

So Ladies, watch your Man. If he turns out to like dicks, better not give your pussy.

La Fleur's grandmother passed away today. Hugs to you, Girl.

(belated) valentine's day message


rose in the rain

I spent my Valentine's evening with media. I was very ill but the mission was accomplished.

Last night, I went out with my friends from church, B+L. After I dropped off L at her house, I drove to drop off B at his. And we chatted.

He told me about his relationship that there was no communication whatsoever going on and that his current boyfriend is always on the go.

If you're having a relationship, communication is important. And constantly being there is also important. Long distant relationship is just crappy.

And then he told me about his boyfriend (J) being so in-the-closet that this guy doesn't event want anyone to know about his relationship with B. Of course, B told me (he's such a friend). And J was angry. Well, more like "disappointed" (his word).

Personally, I can't date someone who's hiding. It's not like being gay a stigma or whatever. It was, but it's not right now.

Even if it still is, I'm gonna be on the front line, fighting for my right to be treated equally, to love and be loved equally, to have sex equally.

If I'm gonna have a boyfriend and a relationship, I want it to be as publicised as possible. No cover-ups, nothing. Which means, he has to be a) out; b) really gay, not bisexual.

B then let out a long sigh and rhetorically asked why should there be handsome men with bastardic attitude and why should there be not-your-type men wih really galant attitude. I sighed.

And he asked me who would I choose to be with: the bastardic hunk or the galant monkey?

I replied, with all my heart, "None. I'd rather be with myself."

It's raining now and it's so damn cold. I think I'm gonna snuggle up under the blanket. Happily cherishing my single life.



"Be Careful with My Heart"
~ written by Madonna, Ricky Martin, & William Orbit

Be careful with my heart
You could break it
Don't take my love for granted
Things could change
Sometimes I go insane
I played the fool and you'll agree
I'll never be the same
Without you here with me

Cuidado (please be careful)
Con mi corazón
Me siento algo desnuda
Cuidado (please be careful)
Es mi corazón
Mi corazón

Be careful with my heart
You could break it
Don't take my love for granted
Things could change
Sometimes I go insane
I played the fool and you'll agree
I'll never be the same
Without you here with me

Cuidado (please be careful)
Con mi corazón
Carino no me lastimes
Cuidado (please be careful)
Es mi corazón
Mi corazón

If I could reach out to you/Nothing will stop me
Take your head in my hands/Tell me what would you do
Kiss your eyes, sing you to sleep/Your voice sounds like a lullaby
Here's my heart, this time to keep/Here's my heart to keep

samedi, février 25, 2006

financial planning


OHMIGOD!!!

I almost didn't blog at all for February! Thank goodness for a wake-up call I got from the Toujours Fabuleuse La Fleur.

I hope you enjoy the new lay-out, and yes, it is ME in the picture above, and that is MY body (with just a few editing and retouching) and that is MY face. I don't have a cat tattoo, though, and I do have hairy legs.

There are several other parts of me that are hairy too. Some are private. *wink*

2006 is the year of sexual revolution.

Anyway, so it's going for second month in this new year of 2006. Many things happened, including a payment that got out of hand. Yes, yes, I'll talk about this here.

But first of all, let me share with you about my financial planning.

You see, I'm saving a lot for college. Yes, I'm going to continue my studies abroad, somewhere in the next two to three years (wish me luck, aight?).

So, I'm utilising my Microsoft Excel to do some really simple accounting and financial controlling. I've been limiting my meals, travels (to save money on gas), leisures (clubbing, shopping, going to the movies, DVD hunting, etc) and the result?

I'm still surviving (although I miss shopping a lot), but I'm okay.

Sure, there are some spending that are classified as "miscellaneous", but I think February's a month of spending, so, it's no biggy. I've saved a lot, and I'm going to do that at least until the end of this year (Christmas shopping has to be a big bang!)

Now, about the freakin payment.

Okay, so like, I got into a deep shit (not too deep and not too smelly) last year. In around October 2005. I was doing the payment for an advertisement we placed in a magazine.

First, we have to fill in a cheque-requisition form (name/address/bank account number of the magazine, and the specifications of the advertisement plus the amount of money needed to be paid).

And then the form needs to be signed by five people: my boss, my boss's boss, assistant financial controller, financial controller, and finally by the GM himself.

Imagine, FIVE friggin people and still they've overlooked the mistake I've made. I mean, hello, I even put the date wrong! I put it 2004 (which was like two years ago or one year before I filled in the form). The payment went to another magazine.

The P Magazine to which we're supposed to pay told us that we were late in paying them (happened in November 2005). Of course I got blasted by my boss, and I thought it was finished when the accounting people told us communications people that they would handle it.

Guess what? In January, the P magazine called us and told us that they still hadn't received the payment.

That time, I was too fed up (and at that time, I was made aware that it was I who filled in the form - I didn't remember at the beginning) to answer back and took matters to my own hand.

Bla bla bla, the solution was proven unsuccessful and my boss had to know this. She didn't get mad at me, and she was actually very supportive. Even when I told her that I was going to buy the P Magazine a cake, she told me to raise a cake voucher of friggin FIVE KILOGRAMS (which I delivered to the magazine with a lot of hardwork, thanks to my superior).

All in all, everything was fine, but I need to check again to the accounting department whether it has been paid or not (for chrissake, it's been another three weeks! They've probably finished eating the cake by now).

I was about to write that, but I got too busy (we lost our art designer so sometimes I had to stay up late doing this, taking photos, and everything...)

Oh, and did I tell you that my hotel won two awards in January and another one in February?

Yaayy!!!

I've gotta stop now. I'm gonna post another posting, tomorrow.

I'm still sick! I've got bad coughs.

Ultraviolet's out on 3 March 2006!

Ultraviolet

Nom :