oh brother

Let me tell you about a little grudge of mine.

Well, not really a grudge. Just a slight of a... well, something.

I was born to a very mixed family. Mom was initially a moslem, and then she converted into a christian. She is now the most devout christian among us. Mom's family stays moslems and therefore we celebrate Eid Ul-Fitr (or something like that) and other big islamic holidays with Mom's side of the family (big family gathering with lots of exotic food). Mom's Sundanese-Palembang.

Dad's family is a christian. We're protestant. So that means each year we get to get a huge family gathering (since my dad has lots of siblings). Christmas is my favorite time of the year because I got to meet lots of my aunts and uncles and cousins and nieces and nephews. Granted, some are real pain in the ass (especially the little ones) but they're okay. Dad's Ambonese-Dutch.

Dad met Mom at the Faculty of Economics of University of Indonesia. The best Faculty of Economics there is in Indonesia (I'm saying it with a bit of cynicism since many of the graduates are real snob assholes - except Mom). Mom is from a city named Cirebon and Dad is from Bogor.

They met and then they got married after a while (I forgot the date of the wedding ceremony and everything), and after a year, my sister was born. She was born 10 years earlier ahead of me and 5 years earlier ahead of my big bro. She is now 32 years old, beautiful, independent, but has never been into a relationship. If you're interested, just contact me, okay? I'm not gonna be a pimp, but everynight I kind of pray for her (and Mom). Mostly about my sister getting a decent guy. She teaches English.

Now, I want to tell you about my brother. My bro is a very special person. I don't know the whole story, but it seemed like Mom got a tiny miscarriage and my brother was born physically normal, but mentally disabled.

I am not quite sure about the medical term, so I put it as in "autism" when it comes to people asking, since I don't know. But I don't think it's autism, and again, I'm not sure if it is. But it's a concept that most people know, just to keep them from asking too much since I don't know.

I know, "He's your brother! How can you not know?" I just dont... Sorry for that.

Anyway, he attended the special school for mentally disabled children. He graduated senior high school years ago and has been doing painting. He's been taking painting classes and everything and his painting is about abstract things.

He seems to know what the paintings are all about and he's very proud about each and every painting. Just the way I would be when I got a really high score on a math quiz.

I've decided to tell you the story about my special brother because he just turned 27 on 21 September 2005. (I bought him a painting set, my first salary).

To tell you the truth, I keep my affection inside the closet. I got strong connection with him. I remembered one time, when we would go to our villa in the mountain each week. Dad & Bro would go there first and Mom would pick me up at school and we would go there after. I was in the car, sleeping, Mom was driving, and suddenly I woke up and called my Bro's name (his name's "Audi"). Mom asked me whether I'd been sleep-talking and I said no.

I later found out that exactly at that time, my bro cut his finger.

When I was 12, I went on a homestay program in England. And then I got lost. I don't know why, but the first person who entered my thought when finally the bus I (finally) rode (finally) went through the streets I recognized - the first person was my bro and how I just cried thinking how I'd miss him.

And now I still keep my affection inside the closet.

I cherish my family. I am lucky to be born into this family. I am proud of my family, of the differences, of everything.

Of Dad trying so hard to accomodate us, working hard until we're this rich and he's still around to help us.

Of Mom's trying so hard to be the best for all of us, to motivate us, to help us learn that things weren't so good in their times and we must not take things for granted because now we have the chance that she didn't have.

Of my sister, her aloneness, and maybe her loneliness and still she survives independently.

And of course, of my brother, that because of him, I learn to respect all things in life, I learn the differences of people in life, I learn one of the greatest challenges in life. Whenever I look at him, it seems like he's somewhere out there, somewhere peaceful and serene. In a place where war and conflicts are alien. In a place where happiness roams freely and God's there.

If there's one thing I am proud of, it is surely my family.

R.I.P. Poussy Tuanakotta (September 1994 - 20 November 2004).